Teaching men how to love

For women learning to love is easy, this is because they have powerful maternal and nurturing instincts.  So for most women when they give birth, they fall totally in love with their baby and are happy to devote their whole lives into loving and caring for their child. This means for many women the problem is not how to love, but how to not devote their whole lives into loving and caring for others.  This was written about by therapist Robin Norwood in her books, “Women Who Love Too Much” and “Letters from Women Who Love Too Much”.

Men on the other hand do not have such a powerful maternal instinct.  We can see this in the behaviour of men who will leave their wives after they have given birth because their wife is devoting more time to her baby, than to him.  Also, when they have left their wife, they will not want to pay for the maintenance of their own children, and even try to get out of it, if the law tries to make them pay.  While other men who stay with their wives can physically harmed their own children, because they are jealous of the love their wives give to them and see their children as a love rivals for their wife’s affection.  Or if they do start to love their children, but can confuse love with sex and sexually abuse their own children.

Yet, we know of other men who are not so selfish and are able to love and care for their wives and children.  There are even some men who will care for the home and children while their wives will go out to work.  So why is it that some men can do this, but other men are so selfish, that they are even unable to love their own children? It could be that unlike women where love and nurturing is a natural instinct, men have to learn how to love, and for most men, they learn this from women.   But if no woman is willing to do this, then men never get the chance to learn how to love.  One of the reasons for this is that in an extreme patriarchal society women do not have the authority to teach men, but there is also another reason.

Teaching men how to love can be difficult for some women.   This is because their maternal instincts are so strong that they spend their whole lives in loving, giving and caring for others, that they have no thought of teaching their sons or husbands to do the same.   So a boy who has a mother like this, will find his mother will love him unconditionally and do everything for him.   Then when he gets married he might marry a woman who is the same, who will likewise also love him unconditionally and give to him, without expecting anything in return.  Therefore, in a world of totally giving and caring women, men have no opportunity of learning how to love.  They can live a life of total selfishness and find women who will love them for being like this.  This means that for women to teach men how to love, they themselves also have to learn to selfishly love themselves.

A man who lives with a woman, who loves him unconditionally, will find it difficult to give love in return.   This is because women like this, finds it hard to receive love.  A man can only love a woman to the degree she loves herself.   If all her love in focused onto other people and never on herself, she will find it difficult to receive love from other people.  So if a man tries to love her, she may reject him because she is only comfortable in giving love, but not in receiving it.  So a man living with such a woman wouldn’t be able to learn from her, how to love.

Now, although in theory it is a wonderful thing that many women are able to love others so completely, that they care nothing for themselves.  This total giving and unconditional love causes a big problem not only for men but for the whole planet.  If men are not given the chance to learn how to love others, they then become totally selfish.   The result is that we live in a world ruled by selfish men who care so little about the suffering of others, that they will settle disputes between countries through warfare and genocide.  They will also create totally unfair societies where there is a big gap between rich and poor and women themselves also suffer as they are verbally and physically abused by these selfish men and many are even murdered and raped by them.

So by giving men total unconditional love women are treating men like children.  Women give their children unconditional love and this is selfishly accepted by the child until it grows up and then it has to take responsibility for its own behaviour.  But if women continue to give men unconditional love even went they are fully mature, then men never get a chance to grow up and became adults.  So like children, they do not appreciate women’s unconditional love and give abuse back in return.   Not only that, they have ended up ruling the world, where they are abusive and violent to other men, children, animals and the whole planet.

If we look at world’s history we find that violence, warfare, genocide, torture and rape has been commonplace throughout history.  And unfortunately it is still going on today, where all these things are go on in places like Libya, Tunisia, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Palestine, The Congo, Burma Somalia, and many other places.  All this violence is caused by violent and selfish men who are not capable of loving and caring for other people, this is because loving human beings will be incapable of doing all these things.   Men are also very selfish in the way they rule society, throughout history there has always been a big gap between rich and poor.  It is always has been commonplace for the ruling elite to live in luxury while the common people live in poverty.   This is even true today in the present financial crisis, where through total incompetence the bankers have bankrupted their banks, forcing the taxpayers to bail them out.  Yet, in spite of the burden put on the taxpayers, these bank executives still expect to receive their million dollar bonuses.

So the only way to change this, if for men throughout the world, to learn how love and care for other people, but the only people who can teach them this, is women.  But for men to do this, they first have to learn to respect women enough to want to learn from them, and women have to allow men to love and worship them.

This means a man can only learn how to love, from a woman who is selfish enough to want to love herself.  This is because if she loves herself, then she will feel totally comfortable in receiving love from a man.  Not only that, such a woman will also expect a man who loves her to love her children as well, even if he hasn’t fathered her children.  So this means a man can learn how to love others from a woman like this.  This is why it is sometimes easier for a homosexual man to learn how to love.  The reason for this is that it is easier for most homosexual men to accept love from another man, than it is for most women to accept love from men.

Many women today are trying to learn how to love themselves by becoming career women, feel they have to stifle their maternal instinct and care only for themselves.  This is because; having children can interrupt her career, and her climb to the top of a professional, business or political career.  Many career women feel that they have to choose between having a career or having children.  Though some women can get around this, if they come from a rich family or have a rich husband and therefore, can afford to pay a nanny, to look after her children.  Or have a house husband who will look after the house and her children.  But most career women are not in such a fortunate position, and some have to become a superwoman as they run a home, look after their children and have a career all at the same time.

Many men today want to learn about love but find it difficult to find a woman to love, and so some men even have to train a woman to love herself, so she can accept his love.  Unfortunately, men who do this, can end up trying to teach women how to act and behave like a abusive men.   This is clearly seen in the Femdom scene where men expect women to dress up in black leather, plastic or rubber and then to use violence against men, by whipping, caning or even torturing them.  Men can help women learn to love themselves by worshipping and serving them but it is doubtful whether teaching women violence does help them in this.  Though it has to be admitted that as women do learn to love themselves, this can result in a lot of anger against men.  As they begin to love themselves they start to give men conditional love and feel pain, anger and a desire for revenge when men abuse them or other women.

In some ways, life was a lot easier when women loved children and men unconditionally and men only loved themselves.  But now as both men and women are learning how to love themselves and love others, life is getting more complicated.   This is because when we both love ourselves and others at the same time, there can be a conflict in the needs of other people we love and our own needs.  But if we want to live in a saner and more balanced world, then people need to love themselves enough to not allow themselves to be abused by others, and love others enough to not want to hurt and abuse others, for their own selfish ends.   So men learning to love women and women learning to love themselves will benefit the whole planet.